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lightseeker
Starter Member
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 51
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 Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:52 am Post subject: Faking Confidence |
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I'm not sure if this is the right category to post this under, but I not so recently went through a very rigorous set of auditions and I was so good at the first two stages when I wasn't really nervous nor confident but during the last stages, I decided to do some stuff that I didn't know at the time resembled NLP and I ended up so confident but I knew it was kind of fake anyway that I ended up doing less well than when I just didn't care  In the end, I was, like, well there you go for being fake.
My question is, is this a normal initial response to NLP (albeit a probably misinformed, unguided one) and is this "fake" confidence going to eventually turn genuine? Or am I just better off stuck with just not caring? Is that what people call silent confidence? Because at the time it surely didn't feel like it.  |
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Paddy Landau
Site Moderator
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 490
Location: Oxford, United Kingdom
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| Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 11:28 am Post subject: |
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Oh dear, it's so easy to mis-apply NLP...
| lightseeker wrote: | | I decided to do some stuff that I didn't know at the time resembled NLP |
Or fake NLP? 
What follows is not NLP, but it works with the right attitude.
Many years ago, I was part of a new team to investigate a company's failing accounts system. We were packed off to a large room that was to become ours for the next few weeks.
We sat there for several minutes, until I realised that the designated manager was not going to bother turning up (typical for the company at the time).
Something had to be done!
"If you want something done right, do it yourself." So, I stood up, went to the front, and started talking. I acted as though I knew what I was doing. But, I was honest about this: "I've never led this sort of investigation before," I said, "but we need to get going, so let's start."
There are times that faking it is appropriate, and if you're honest about it (even if only with yourself), then it can be a powerful tool indeed.
Dan Peña says, "Was I scared? Yes. Was I sure it would work? No. But was I in doubt? No!"
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut, Jr had it spot on.
By acting the part, I became the part. I learned what I had to learn, I communicated what I needed to communicate, I did what I had to do. By having confidence in my acting (which was easy, because my honesty gained the trust and cooperation of everyone else), I gave confidence to the rest of the team.
And we succeeded in our task.
Paddy
Last edited by Paddy Landau on Sun Oct 28, 2007 2:39 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Gandalf
10% Member
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 3:21 pm Post subject: Re: Faking Confidence |
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| lightseeker wrote: | | My question is, is this a normal initial response to NLP (albeit a probably misinformed, unguided one) and is this "fake" confidence going to eventually turn genuine? Or am I just better off stuck with just not caring? Is that what people call silent confidence? Because at the time it surely didn't feel like it. |
one of the first things you did was identify want you wanted... then, fake it till you make it?
Your going to have a collection of experiences soon that will all start to build, method to your madness.. *pun*
Its all about wanting somthing for the right reason, and feeling it like its already, here and now..
While on the plane to Spain at the age of 10.. I was so excited.. when I got there it was even better* than I had imagined..
What I imagined was good but this was amazing...
Aim high! If its for the right reasons.. it will be real, if you imagine it to be fake... its fake..
Where your positive stance like a coat!
Is any of this NLP...?
If it helps you, does it really matter? |
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Paul Hastings
Starter Member
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 86
Location: Warwickshire
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 12:28 pm Post subject: Practice being fictional for a while |
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| Practice being fictional for a while, and you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies. |
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Gandalf
10% Member
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:48 pm Post subject: Re: Practice being fictional for a while |
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| Paul Hastings wrote: | | Practice being fictional for a while, and you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies. |
Why did NEO (from the Matrix.. popular film whose sequal is out... about a world being located inside of the programs of a computer: Neo played by Keanu Reeves) start using NLP to beat the baddies?
Because he MET A PROGRAM.
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10cents
Starter Member
Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 3:28 am Post subject: |
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Hi!
Personally, I believe only 5% of my total confidence is real but nobody knows the other 95% is faked but me so it doesn't really matter.  There's something athletes do like rehearsing their routines in their mind. Also done by martial artists like defeating their opponents in their minds. So it's all in the mind.
BTW, I'm usually uneasy (except for friends) talking personally to people I know have some professional training in psychology or psychiatry. |
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Paul Hastings
Starter Member
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 86
Location: Warwickshire
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| Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:46 am Post subject: |
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Hi 10 cents.
Confidence is one of those strange beasts.
I usually explain to my clients that there not really a confident feeling.
So why attempt to feel something that is not there.
Mental rehearsal is a very good way to begin to direct your subconscious mind as to how you want to be.
However it must be done with out those little voices or feeling that contradict this.
On Gary Grags web site you can down load a free book
The Palace of Possibilities.
get it.
It explains all about how to stop the incongruence that you have and it’s free. |
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Gandalf
10% Member
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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| "There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it." |
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10cents
Starter Member
Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 3:00 am Post subject: |
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Hiya Paul,
Thanks for that tip on Gary Grag's ebook. I'm always willing to learn new things and I love free stuff. But no website turned up when I googled his name. 
I've got one experience about this faking confidence thingy. We all did some stupid stunts back in college, right?
Well, there was this time when I had like 5 quarts of beer in me and I was confronted by 6 guys in the dark and in the open. I got an icy feeling in my stomach because I know I can take 1 or 2 but I can never take them all in my condition.
But they didn't know I was afraid, they didn't know I doubted my capability to play with them. All they saw was what I wanted to them to see although I'm not really sure what they saw because they all stood in rank, 4 in front, 2 at the back. Looked kind of funny becasue they're supposed to encircle me.
Fact, it was I who was pushing the leader in the chest to get away from me and threatening the others that I'll break off the arms of the first one who will touch me (arms can't be broken off, they can only be ripped off ). But it was all bluff, I don't know to rip an arm off, for one. But they didn't know that.
Mercifully, some folks from far off noticed the commotion. As soon As I'm sure we have their attention, I started backing off slowly and got lost.
It was a sobering experience, one I'm careful not to repeat. But it taught me 2 important lessons, one, bullies are weak and dumb, two, confidence can be faked.
We don't necessarily need to have something (like a flashy car or a degree or a black belt) to be confident. We just need to feel confident and everything follows. And that's confidence based on what? Thin air? 
@ Gandalf
Do you keep a boxful of quotes? |
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Paul Hastings
Starter Member
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 86
Location: Warwickshire
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| Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:12 am Post subject: |
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Hi emofree.com is the place to go for The Palace of Possibilities.
It seams to me that you did the right thing with the 5 guys. Often breaking peoples state will get you out of the problem as you found out.
If you would like some fun notice a few things that you do with total confidence. Getting dressed for example. How much confidence did you generate to preform the very complex task of putting on your socks. Jeans, tee shirt.
Look through your day and just notice the amount of things in your life you have total confidence with. It may run into thousands. It seams that you are a very confident person.
So what does confidence mean?
Now do something that you have little confidence with.
How do you feel and think differently.
So what is the difference? |
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Gandalf
10% Member
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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| 10cents wrote: |
Do you keep a boxful of quotes? |
Parts of NLP claim that standing in the crowd of excellence will bring it.. I am quoting some very very impressive people, your obviously impressed enough to notice, and to comment..
Heres a funny one just for you...
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? |
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Paul Hastings
Starter Member
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 86
Location: Warwickshire
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| Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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Hi
The probe is still in,
I thought very few people were aware of that time in my life.
Still it is good to know that I can openly speak about it.
Standing in a crowd of excellence can some times help.
It is no guarantee a fool can still remain a fool.
Being around excellence can help a lot it will depend on the person. |
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Gandalf
10% Member
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Paul Hastings wrote: | Hi
The probe is still in,
I thought very few people were aware of that time in my life.
Still it is good to know that I can openly speak about it.
Standing in a crowd of excellence can some times help.
It is no guarantee a fool can still remain a fool.
Being around excellence can help a lot it will depend on the person. |
It seems that you also have multiple personalites my friend...
It was 10 cents that made the remark..  |
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Paul Hastings
Starter Member
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 86
Location: Warwickshire
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| Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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| I do. |
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Gandalf
10% Member
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 276
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| Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 11:29 am Post subject: |
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| Paul Hastings wrote: | | I do. |
I'm almost embarassed for you - but I'm not. |
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