Reality Therapy/Life Coaching

[horsesinger]

Reality Therapy (RT), first introduced in the early 60s by Bill Glasser, MD, has proposed something called Control Theory. Glasser says that our perceptions control our behavior. If we see a need as unmet, we continue to behave in some way to get it met. The difference in the real world and the internal world in our heads is known as a perceptual gap. We behave to close the gaps. Those who have been labeled as "crazy" are people who don't know how to recognize it when their gap is closed, or use inappropriate behaviors to meet their needs.

If I want to play tennis, I need a partner. Internal world=playing tennis with a friend. External (real) world= I have no partner. I work to close the gap by calling a friend and inviting her to play tennis. She agrees; date, time and place are set. The gap is now closed and I will (probably on an unconscious level) increase my sense of belonging by actually playing. If I don't recognize the gap is closed, I will continue to call people and may end up with many partners for one match. That may create gaps in their perceptions and actually decrease my sense of belonging when they all tell me off and leave. I am inappropriate if I attempt to find a tennis partner by standing on the corner serving tennis balls at car windshields.

I see this as parallel to how life coaching can work. Promoting, fostering and enhancing another's innate abilities to recognize and close their gaps is similar to coaching. In RT, we may, at first make plans for the client. As they improve, they share in the planmaking. When they are ready to leave the therapist, they identify the issue, make a plan and successfully carry it out.

One of the greatest pitfalls for many people is that the plans they make almost always depend on someone else's behavior in addition to their own. Once they learn to make plans that are 1) positive in consequence, 2) repetitive to build social or other skills, 3/4) specific and simple so they really know what to do and have removed possible ways to sabotage, 5) depend only on what they themselves do, 6) focused in the here and now so they aren't getting stuck in the past or worrying about the future they will be successful. The man who plans to attend the opera with his sweetheart leaves success of the plan to the sweetheart. The man who plans to invite his sweetheart to the opera leaves success to himself. That is, of course, over-simplified.

As a reality therapy certified psychotherapist, I believe I am mostly coaching.

Feedback welcome.

[Paddy Landau]

[horsesinger]

I can see realistic in that in that contest, Paddy. Realistic is specific and simple as well. I find clients who go for the most complex plan available. I worked with a woman who had a phone phobia. She wanted her first plan to be calling Spain, but she couldn't pick up a receiver yet. Realistic for me to call Spain, but not even close for her, in the beginning. Of course, that plan would have created a perfect opportunity for her to complete a sabotage.